I watched an eclipse
of a blood moon
without you,
my fists still curled
from holding your arm
as you fought my grip
even brightness in the dark
is told that it bleeds when it blushes
and yet we still look for love
as if it weren't always cutting through us
we imagine the riches it gives
like an eternal throne.
I imagined walking down streets alone
my feet feeling the sharp grit and hum
of drums
down 17th Avenue
salt settling on the tops of my feet
imprinting my grief on the concrete
I let myself cry because I saw strangers eyes on me
and I wanted them to notice that I was alone
no other shadows behind me
just my own carved out of the world
as I entered it, as I will die in it
nothing and everything
without you
telling me what to feel.
My dying was never real, to you anyway,
the parade thrown at my funeral
and the dirges fading in the air
that will float on whispers heading to sunken ships
all of it was to celebrate
your bloody eclipse.
